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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Spam

Spam has now grown more complex and has even penetrated so deeply into our personal computer systems that they (referring to those scheming yet awesomely talented spammers) actually know a few personal stuff about us.

Take, for example, this spam message I got a few days ago. Yahoo! immediately filtered it out, but it's interesting to note that it is, by far, the most eye-catching spam I've ever received. It was an email from a certain Thaddeus Oliver with the subject, "FW: Receive all da pherma prods you naed to-day assumption." Interesting, no? Let me dissect this for you. Let's analyze it like we're in CW 10.

Thaddeus has a variant spelling with one "d." For you M.D. fans out there, Thadeus Ragan played Trent Lloyd, St. Joseph Medical Center's hot intern. Oliver may refer to many personalities. Jamie Oliver. Oliver Twist. Another angle would be the fact that Oliver is the male version of the name "Olivia," which would definitely refer to Olivia Ledesma...or Olivia Newton-John.

"Receive all da pherma..." da. Mr. Thaddeus Oliver must be Jamaican. Ah! A clever allusion to my being a reggae fan.

"...pherma prods..." prods. This is definitely a reference to Patty Rodriguez. I nicknamed Patty "P-Rod" in 1st year high school. I patterned it after New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez's "A-Rod" moniker. When Patty created yet another Yahoo! account, she dropped the dash, resulting in "prod."

"...you naed..." Okay. This part is just pathetic. "Naed" is not even a word, and don't try tricking me with the Greek "a" after "e" thing. It just reminds me of my little sister who used to spell "head" as "haed."

"...to-day assumption..." I don't understand the dash between the word "today." It sounds so Medieval nursery rhyme-ish. In closer analysis, this dash may be the dash that was missing in the word "prod." The author may be emphasizing a connection between these to words. Maybe Mr. Oliver wants me to call Patty up today. It's too late then because the "today" referred to in the mail is now a day gone by. Finally, the reference to my alma mater is clearly and explicitly stated in the email subject.

Now apparently, two days after that, I received another spam message, this time from Ray Youngblood. The subject was almost identical. "FW: Receive all the pherma prods you naed to-day aspartic." Hmm... "Ray" may refer to the Ray Charles biopic Ray. "Youngblood" probably refers to the Philippine Daily Inquirer section that I've been meaning to contribute to. I don't even know what "aspartic" means. Is that even a word? Hold on, let me check...Okay, according to the Concise Oxford Dictionary, aspartic acid (in Biochemistry) is "an acidic amino acid present in many proteins and in sugar cane, important in the metabolism of nitrogen in animals and also acting as a neurotransmitter." Whatever that means. The only words that mean anything to me there are "sugar" and "cane." I remember gnawing on sugar canes in Bacolod.

That's spam according to me.

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